inside Rhodes

I am leaving the country in 3 weeks to go to the Czech Republic. I applied for a conductor’s masterclass at the end of last semester thinking I had no chance of winning one of the five available spots. To my bewilderment, however, I was accepted. The program takes place in Mahler’s birth city of Jihlava which is about an hour and a half outside of Prague. I will be conducting Mahler’s 4th symphony and be competing to conduct a movement of the symphony on the final concert. I was the only American selected to participate and will be joined by conductors from Canada, Belgium, Norway, and Germany.

Although conducting abroad is going to be an amazing opportunity for me, it also comes with its share of anxieties. Since overseas mail is rather inefficient to the  availability of email, most of my correspondence with the program has been via email. This lack of paper has really worried me, especially since “official correspondence” in the US is mostly through paper. Additionally, I’ve had to put faith in passport agencies, flight bookings, hotel bookings, and car rentals: faith that they will all be in order when I arrive on October 1st.  Thus, I’m excited, but nervous and anxious at the same time.

I had some revealations about my fear last night while watching the movie Talladega Nights. Jean Girard, the character that serves as an enemy to star race-car driver Ricky Bobby, diagnoses his fear by saying, “Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.” Although this sounds silly upfront, he is speaking the truth. The fear of animals can be simply defined as fear of anything that is different. As humans, we are able to fear things at a higher intellectual level. We can fear death, poverty, religion, etc.. but all of these things also relate back to the animal instinct of being scared by anything new or different. We as humans, though, also posses the ability to run straight into this fear by evaluating its consequences.

In my case, will I benefit more from fearing the different or embracing it? Will I have more fun by fear or by preparation? Will I learn more by fearing the new or by owning it and letting myself absorb any and all knowledge that I am offered? I will embrace this fear and let it guide me through this amazing opportunity with confidence. I’m going to try and document my trip to the best of my ability and share it with you all. Wish me luck!