inside Rhodes

I’m still in Shanghai (or to be more precise, in Nanxiang, a suburb of Shanghai proper) and lunching with relatives ALL THE TIME. “Free Chinese food nonstop? That sounds awesome!” you might think, but here’s the downside–I think I’ve gained a good ten pounds since I got here.

Now, I’ve never really had a problem with my appearance. Sure, there were bouts of hair and skin disapproval, but overall, I’d say I’ve been pretty satisfied with my looks. Here, it seems, I’m always too fat, too dark, too foreign. My mother has slowly morphed into the worst critic of my slowly expanding waistline, and yet everytime we lunch with relatives, she watches with amusement as relatives drop lipid-drenched morsels into my ricebowl. I try my best to politely refuse; I really do!

“Auntie, I’ve really had enough.”

“Grandpa, you should have this choice piece of meat.”

Somehow I always end up fed with whatever that Auntie or Grandparent wants me to devour, garnished with a “No, no, no, there’s this saying in China…” Let me try to recount some of those aphorisms for y’all.

There’s “when you’re by the mountain, eat of the mountain; when you’re by the water, eat of the water” which basically means eat whatever’s around. Don’t be picky.

Another adage is a command to “lao ben” or get your money’s worth. The thinking is that, well, Christine, I’ve already paid for this. You might as well make to most of it [in your belly].

Finally, there’s the saying (and this was gleaned from a Rhodes student and peer who happens to be in Shanghai at the same time as me) that every grain of rice will result in a blemish on my future husband’s face. Not desiring a pock-marked, potentially leprous spouse, I now dutifully clear my ricebowl of any offending tidbit.

The worst, though, comes when my grandpa gets to talking about how bad it was during the Communist takeover when he had to walk 20 miles in the snow uphill both ways to look for a single grain of rice. He then goes on at length about totally unrelated miseries and how I’m supposed to uphold the family honor. [Cue 'Reflection' to start playing in the background.]

Thanks to my vast database of experience lunching with relatives, I now know just to shut up and eat whatever’s on my plate. That way I only end up with a bad case of food coma, no two hour lecture bonus.

Here’s me Vanna White-ing.

Evidently my performance was not enthralling enough to warrant a Get-Out-of-Face-Stuffing-Free card. Boo.

In spite of all that, I’m still having a great time in China. Headed back to Houston on July 27th. Can wait.